Hi and Assalamualaikum.
It has been 13 days since me and IF broke up. I tau, it's still baru and kinda dramatic gila to write a break up post now but I think I should lah cause I need to cerita the story somewhere...
Me and IF were together for more than 4 years and I knew him since 2011. How kitorang kenal? It was kinda funny tho 😂. I tak sure when I first kenal dia. He once told me that he kenal me when I was form 1 but I swear tak pernah ingat or perasan dia. But I know when kitorang start rapat.
It was on June 2011. I was in form 3 and he was in form2. Masatu cuti pertengahan tahun, and I stayed at my cousin's house for a week. Long story short, I knew him masa that period. Masa first jumpa, SUMPAH AWKWARD. Dia lak, masya Allah sombongnya jantan ni, siap jeling kat I lagi. But few days later, we start to rapat. Yang I ingat lah kan, I color kan his TOE NAILS with glitters, he dressed up as a fairy (he literally wore purple tutu with a crown on his head and held a magic wand 😂😂😂), we both secretly tgk karingeri and cringe together,and even had some embarrassing moment together (or maybe memalukan to me but funny to him hahaha).
We did all of that for a week and starting from that week, kitorang start to rapat macam belangkas. Since that week, kitorang exchange texts, calls and everything. He was my best friend. But a boy and a girl can never be just friends. He asked me to be his girlfriend and OBVIOUSLY I said yes (after few hours left him hanging LOL). I always ingat that I already knew him. Well guess what? I dont.
For more than 4 years, many things happened. Normal lah kan in relationship mesti ada ups and downs. I did so many things that leads both if us to selalu gaduh. Mostly, I je yg selalu buat hal and I regret that. But even apa pun I buat, dia still there. Yes, he'll nag at me mcm machine gun but he still there for me and care for me. Even gaduh mcm mana pun, he'll ask me if I ada ride nak balik college, if I ada enough money to belanja and many things. To others yg tak kenal him, yes dia nampak abbusive with his nag but he's not. Trust me, I'm the one yg in relationship with him and I know, to him I lagi abbusive and I keep killing him slowly.
I asked for others' opinions. Mostly cakap yg IF ni kuat marah even benda kecik. But honestly, I tak kisah. Not because I was blind. Nope, but I faham dia. He had his reasons and I've crossed the line not once but twice.
I love him and I will never stop even if mmg dah takde jodoh. I was always scared that we will breakup cause I swear to God I cant handle the aftermath. Idk if I can be okay with the idea of him with other woman. But what's done is done, right? I cant balik pergi to the past and fixed. Past is past and I need to risau the future.
I hope our jodoh is longer, Insya Allah. I can only depend to Him and let time fixes everything. if you're reading this, I want you to know something. No matter what happen, I will always love you and wait for you.
Sorry for the long sad post.
💕,
아이샤